What Hurt the Most- Rascal Flatts

Ini lagu yang akhir - akhir ini SANGAT sering saia dengerin dan nggak pernah gagal merubah saia langsung jadi "mellow mode"
Enjoy~ :)

"What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away"

What Hurt the Most- Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

And Here I Am..

Happy birthday to my self and to my OC LIzzie today! :)
Last night I was laying in my bedroom, wating for a birthday message from my friends..I felt stupid, but I did it anyway..When I thought no one will stay wake just to send me a message to me I decided to sleep and I was checking my phone for the last time, anddd...there was a message from my friend~! I felt like my heart wants to jump xD

A moment before I fell asleep, I said "Dear God, This year I just want me and the people I love to be happy" Yeah, the same wish as last year's wish. But deep Inside I wish for something else, a stupid simple wish.. "I want a simple 'Happy Birthday' from Him" a stupid wish, I know.

But, Here I am, sitting in front of my computer, waiting for a simple "Happy Birthday" from him, feeling stupid, but..I keep wishing anyway. I hope I can write something in this blog again next year. :)

Mood today: Neutral, happy
Song: My wish-Rascall Flats

I Gues That was Our 'Goodbye'

I met him, rasanya seperti de ja vu saja tadi..gw berhenti melangkah begitu ngeliat 'dia', dunia gw rasanya berhenti berputar dan gw lupa bernapas. Persis seperti pertemuan gw n Dia 4 tahun yang lalu, hmm..nggak kerasa udah setahun gw nggak ngeliat 'dia', dan jujur gw kaget ngeliat perubahannya sekarang. Dia terlihat begitu..berbeda?

Rasanya lucu juga kalau mengingat tempat kami bertemu untuk yang terakhir -setidaknya gw berpikir ini adalah yang terakhir- dan tempat kami pertemu untuk pertama kal itu mirip. Gw inget beberapa bulan lalu saat gw lagi dalam perjalanan pulang sekolah gw berpikir dan bilang 'God, gw mau ketemu dia..satu kali lagi aja..satu kali sebelum gw mati nanti. Gw mau ketemu dia, biarpun hanya berpapasan..asal gw bisa liat dia dan tahu kalau He's okay.'

Dan well, di malam natal ini gw ketemu dia..gw nggak percaya itu kebetulan..mungkin Tuhan udah berencana ngabulin doa gw di malam natal ini?Gw nggak tahu..yang jelas gw berterimakasih sama Tuhan buat pertemuan singkat itu.

Ketika gw tahu kalau dia akan pergi lagi hal yang paling gw inginkan saat itu cuma meluk dia dan mengatakan sesuatu yang nggak pernah gw katakan sebelumnya karena gw terlalu pengecut. But I didn't do that..gw cuma ngeliatin dia yang mulai menghilang diantara kerumunan orang sambil berkata 'Take Care' dalam hati yang sangat tidak mungkin bagi dia untuk mendengarnya, dan gw membiarkan dunia gw serasa runtuh dan hati gw menangis ngeliat dia yang pergi begitu aja nangisin kebodohan gw nangisin kepengecutan gw. Gw bodoh, Gw tau suatu saat gw akan sangat menyesal udah menyia - nyiakan kesempatan ini..It's painful to watch you leaving again, But I'm glad I met you today..

"Hey, I Love You, okay?Please take care, merry christmas dear..God Bless you. Goodbye :')"

Mood: Mellow, Sad
Soundtrack: Cinta dalam hati-Ungu
Please forgive me-Firehouse
Difference in me- Westlife



"There's something in the silence
I never used to feel
There's something about knowing
That tells you this is real
When you're close
all I know I don't want to let you go"
Difference In Me-Westlife

Muse-Undisclosed Desire

"I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
"

I know you suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothe me
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

4 Jenis dissociative disorder

1. dissociative amnesia
2. dissociative fugue
3. depersonalization disorder
4. dissociative identity disorder (DID) <--- dulu istilah yang dipake adalah multiple personality disorder (MPD), tapi sekarang udah diganti ke DID

karakteristik secara umum untuk semua penyakit ini adalah : 'perubahan' identitas seseorang, memori, ataupun kesadaran. orang yang menderita penyakit2 ini ngga bisa mengingat kejadian2 penting atau mungkin lupa identitas diri sementara, atau malah 'membuat' identitas baru.

untuk jenis pertama, orang yang menderita dissociative amnesia tidak bisa mengingat informasi tentang dirinya sendiri, biasanya terjadi setelah mengalami kejadian yang stressful. walau informasi itu bukannya hilang sama skali, tapi dia tidak bisa mengingatnya pada saat lagi amnesia. note: ini tidak sama dengan masalah 'pelupa' yang biasa dialami orang2. penderita biasa tidak mengenali keluarga maupun temen, tapi masih mempunyai kemampuan berbicara, membaca, maupun kemampuan2 lain dulunya. amnesia ini bisa berlangsung selama beberapa jam sampe beberapa tahun.

kedua, dissociative fugue, penyakit 'lupa' yang lebih parah dari dissociative amnesia. penderita bukan hanya menjadi amnesia, tapi juga tiba2 meninggalkan rumah maupun pekerjaannya, dan kemudian 'membentuk' identitas baru. orang ini bisa aja mengambil nama baru, rumah baru, pekerjaan baru, bahkan kepribadian baru. penyakit ini biasanya terjadi setelah orang itu mengalami tekanan yang hebat, misalnya pertengkaran keluarga, kesulitan dalam pekerjaan, peperangan, atau musibah alam. biasanya penyakit ini bisa sembuh total, dan waktu penyembuhannya bisa sangat bervariasi. dan setelah sembuh, orang ini tidak ingat apa yang terjadi selama dia mengalami fugue

ketiga, depersonalization disorder, di mana penderita 'mengubah' pandangan maupun pengalaman dirinya. jenis penyakit ini agak lain dengan penyakit dissociative yang lainnya, karena depersonalization tidak mengalami gangguan dengan ingatan. biasa penyebabnya adalah stress, dan penderita bisa tiba2 kehilangan kepribadiannya. mereka merasa seperti berada di luar badan, dan seakan2 memperhatikan diri mereka sendiri dari jauh. mereka bergerak seakan2 hilang kesadaran dengan realitas. gejala yang sama juga kadang terjadi di beberapa penyakit lain, seperti schizophrenia, panic attacks, posttraumatic stress disorder, maupun borderline personality disorder. penyakit ini biasanya bermula dari saat remaja, dan berlansung cukup lama. penyakit ini juga cukup sering terjadi bersamaan dengan disorder lainnya.
kadang kala kita memang merasa seperti bukan menjadi diri sendiri, tapi hal ini adalah normal dan bukan brarti menderita multiple personality.

diambil dari http://forum.megaxus.com/index.php?topic=17169.0

Rambling 'Bout SPN Season 6

huff... I dun know where to start.. *deep breath*

When I heard that Mr. Kripke will make this season i was sooo excited. 'Cause Honestly I dun like the season 5 ending. (Dean and Lisa?just..what.the.hell ==")When the first time I saw the season 6 trailer well, my heart broke for Dean, He's not happy with Lisa and it's written all over his face.

Well, I haven't watch this season, I know every detail of this season from the spoilers on internet. And honestly, I dissapointed >~<

First, Samuel Campbell is back from the dead, my first thought is..what?! Why him?! why not John or Mary?!

Second, Robo-Sam? God! Don't let me start =="

Third, Crowley is like..what?the new Hell's President?come on..he's one of my favourite Character DX

Fourth ( I'm not sure if this true or not) dean is still with Lisa Dx I don't like her..she's like a mary-sue..and I believe Dean doesn't love her, he won't stay with her if it's not because of Sam. (I hate you sam for this, really! *pout*)

The last one ( this makes me angry, really)...My cute-innocent-blue-eyed-Angel a.k.a Castiel's first kiss is a DEMON?! More spesific that demon is MEG, the demon who killed Jo and Ellen Harvelle.. Just, what.the.hell?!Castiel will never ever kiss a demon!He hates them and he's an ANGEL, hello?! Mr.Kripke what were you THINKING?!

i don't understand what is the purpose of this season, robo-sam, sad!Dean, Cas kissed a Demon, bad!Crowley, Granpa Campbell back from the dead, seriously?what's next? bzz...

Do not make me more disappointed Uncle Kripke, I know you can think of something MUCH better than THAT! :|

Holiday?

Besok libuur..yaa~ay! XD

Saat yang udah gw tunggu sejak lama akhirnya dateng juga :P
Walaupun kalau dipikir - pikir liburan kali ini gw nggak bisa sepenuhnya santai, semua gara - gara satu kata yang terdiri dari 2 huruf. UN! Gw nggak bisa santai gara - gara satu kata itu ~_~

Anyway, sinonim dari kata libur dalam kamus gw itu 'Hibernasi' and..menurut rumus, libur + hibernasi= Gendut! Bayangin, belum liburan aje pipi gw dah tambah tembem, gimana kalau udah mulai liburan nanti? bzz~
*siap - siap buang timbangan ke laut*

Beside, I'm sure i will miss my friends during the holiday >,<
even I will miss my teachers.....nah, I lied! xD I won't miss my teacher, never :P
And, I have nothing to do during the holiday, and since it's christmas holiday, my brothers and sisters will come home with teir family and stay at home until new year << i think. I Have no plan for christmas and new year, I dun feel there's something special with that event.
Maybe I'll just watch 'The Vampire Diaries' during the holiday, why not SPN? Becaausee..I can't stop watching that show and i know I won't study if i start to watch that show :p

'nuff of this gejeh post xD

Shadows-Westlife

"Shadows"

"But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was"

"For a Moment I wish It was YOU."

Morning after
Still lingers
Just waking up
I see a shadow of you
Making breakfast for two
I go driving
Past our place and
I see this girl walk by
I smell her perfume
For a moment I wish it was you

I'm not gonna tell ya
I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no
I'm tryin' to get over
I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes

But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you and memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough of your shadows

Four months gone
I can't feel you
I don't understand it
Where did you go?
I hate that you're all that I know

I'm not gonna tell ya
I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no
I'm tryin' to get over
I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes

But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you and memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough of your shadows

You couldn't love me
So why won't you leave me?
Shadows
Alone is the only place I want to be

I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how to love
I've had enough
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you, the memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough

I Miss "Us"

Pernah merindukan orang yang jelas - jelas berada di dekat kalian?itu yang gw alami sekarang. Gw kangen sama..banyak orang sebenernya, tapi biar gw sebutin salah satu orang yang pernah ngasih gw banyak kenangan indah, konyol, gejeh :P

Pertama kali gw ketemu orang ini, gw ngerasa takut..dia nyeremin sii (sorry,Dear..but it's true) Lalu, entah kebetulan atau apa..kayaknya ada aja hal yang 'maksa' gw buat deket sama orang ini. Dia nggak nyeremin kayak yang gw kira, gampaang banget buat 'suka' sama dia. Tahun pertama kita kenal emang kita nggak begitu deket, di tahun kedua kita kenal baru kita mulai deket. Gw suka banget ngedengerin orang ini cerita, bisa dibilang gw suka semua tentang dia. Dia selalu bisa bikin gw ketawa ato kadang kesel di mix ketawa :P

Dan di tahun ketiga ini kita mulai menjauh...dan gw kangen hari - hari waktu gw 'n dia bercanda n ketawa bareng. Gw mau ngedenger cerita - ceritanya lagi.

Dia emang ada di deket gw, gw bisa ketemu dia tiap hari malah. Tapi entah kenapa, gw ngerasa dia begitu jauh. Padahal kami hanya dipisahkan oleh jarak yang nggak seberapa. I miss you, dear..

Buat orang itu: Di tahun ketiga kita kenal ini, emang kita udah nggak bareng lagi. But, gw mau u tau..gw masih disini kapanpun u butuh gw. Gw nggak tau apa u juga ngerasa kangen sama gw, gw kehilangan u, U nggak tau waktu gw ketemua u tadi, gw rasanya pengen loncat n meluk u..Gw kangen u, gw kangen "Kita"


Buat yang lainnya, yang nggak gw sebutin:
I know you might don't realize this, but I miss "Us"
Turn your back and you’ll see it’s true :)

Mood: Mellow, Exhausted
Song: My Love-Westlife
Kepompong-sindentoska
Quote:

I tried to read
I go to work
I’m laughing with my friends
But I can’t stop
To keep myself from thinking

Oh no
I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had
The songs we sang together

Taylor Swift-A Place in This World

I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

[Chorus:]

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

[Repeat Chorus]

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly

[Repeat Chorus]

P!nk-F*cking Perfect

"You're so mean
When you talk
About yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead"

Made a wrong turn
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated this place
Misunderstood
Miss knowing it's all good
It didnt slow me down.

Mistaking
Always second guessing
Underestimating
Look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
F-cking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're f-cking perfect to me

You're so mean
When you talk
About yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead
So complicated
Look how we all make it
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game

It's enough
I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same

Oh

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
F-cking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're f-cking perfect to me

The whole worlds scared
So I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking
Is an ice cold beer

So cool in line
And we try, try, try
But we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics
Cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans
They don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves
And we do it all the time
Why do we do that?
Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeeeeaaaahhh
Oooooooh
Oh baby pretty please

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever feel
Like you're less than
F-cking perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're f-cking perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're f-cking perfect to me

I always listen to this song everytime i feel my life is meaningless :D

As Long as You Believe, It's Possible X)

Nyambung dari post yang "Gw butuh keajaiban" beberapa hari yang lalu. Inget kata - kata terakhir saia di post itu?

"Gw butuh miracle buat ngedapetin nilai 7 ato 8 besok. and yes.. i believe it will happen..at least i hope so..wish me luck x)"

Guess what? The miracle "HAPPENED' XD
Tadi hasil TPB matematika dibacain sama Papih tercinta...gw udah parno soalnya nilainya kok kayaknya pada acur ye?temen gw aja yang lebih pinter cuma dapet 6..eh~eh~ tiba - tiba pas nilai gw disebutin gw dapet 70!
Terus waktu gw ngitung rata - rata rapot..rata - rata gw 60 PAS! Untung aja..kalo sampe merah rata - rata di rapot, bisa disuruh berenti les nih =="

Walaupun gw akui nilai itu nggak sepenuhnya hasil itungan, banyak yg dapet bonus anulir 'n ada sumbangan dari hoki juga :p *coret*danmungkinkarenadafotosi"itu"jugasii*coret*
Tetep aja..itu nilai TERBAIK gw sepanjang sejarah matematika pelajaran kelas 9 XD

Once again, thank you yh Father :)

Xenophobe

Xenophobia, pernah denger kata di atas? gw yakin sebagian orang pasti ngerasa asing sama kata itu. Xenophobe ato Xenophobia itu nggak seterkenal "saudara - saudara"nya kayak 'Altophobia'(Phobia pada ketinggian) atau 'Nyctohylophobia'(Phobia pada kegelapan)

Xenophobia itu perasaan takut berlebihan karena bertemu orang asing, bisa terjadi karena trauma psikologis. Kalau terus berlanjut individu yang mengidap xenophobe akan merasa sangat tersiksa ketika berada di tempat ramai, mereka akan memilih menyendiri n menghindari tempat - tempat ramai. Penderita enggan berkomunikasi lebih dulu dengan orang lain. Kalau diabaikan dan tidak diatasi..xenophobe bisa mengarah ke isolasi sosial.

gw butuh keajaiban -______-"

Besok gw TPB mate and...tebak..gw NGGAK NGERTI gimana cara nyari jawaban dari soal latian yang tergeletak di kasur gw sekarang. Well, nggak separah itu sii...ada beberapa yang saia ngerti..cuma sungguh gw nggak siap buat TPB mate besok. meibi gw harus minjem otaknya Einstein dlu baru gw bisa ngerjain dengan aman,tentram,damai.

Gimana, mau masuk jurusan IPA kalo gini caranya?gimana mau masuk SMA "itu" kalo kayak gini caranya arrghhh *stressed*

Gw butuh miracle buat ngedapetin nilai 7 ato 8 besok. and yes.. i believe it will happen..at least i hope so..wish me luck x)

Another gejeh post from meh ~XD

My Alphabet!~
A: Awkward, because dude, it’s sooo my word :P
B: Bobby :3
C: Castiel, the cute blue eyed-angel X3
D: Dean, because he's one sexxi beast
E: Excellent, because I really can't think of anything else
F: Ferret. It Reminds me of Draco ~:P
G: Grammar driving me crazy @.@
H: Hachiko..’cause he’s an amazing dog :D
I: Incest, Dunno..just pop in my head
J: Jensen XP
K: Key?
L: L, Because he's just sooo damn cute!
M: Matt, the hot hacker !
N: Near, because he's so cute
O: Obliviate, cause sometimes i wih i can perform that spell to my self
P: Promiscuous, because that's just Dean Winchester
Q: Quiet? My secret trait ;)
R: Ryuk, because he's just so cool.
S: Sammy XD
T: Trench coat?hmmm~ *imaginingsomesuspiciousimages*
V: Virginity, because It’s important dude~
W: Watari, because he kicks major ass.
X: Xenophobe, ‘cause sometimes i think i have that..
Y: Yuuki, one of my personalities *evil laugh*
Z: Zebra, I don't even know

Just another random

Saia nyomot ini dari Profil salah satu author di FF.net, Lumayan seru...saia bener" enjoy waktu ngisinya, lumayan buat refreshing setelah memeras otak ngerjain TPB tadi XD


1. Aaaaalllrrriiigggghhhtt!! List your 5 favourite characters from the same fandom! We'll get some RP going on here! Don't peek on the questions first!
I Choooooseeee: *insert music* “Supernatural Fandom” XD

1. DEAN Winchester XD
2. Castiel
3. Sam Winchester
4. Gabriel
5.Bobby

2. You heard that going out was really dangerous but, you still have to go anyway! So, you decided to get outta your home when you suddenly hear gunshots. Somebody grabbed you by your hand and took you somewhere behind the bushes. It appears that he/she is your no 1. What will you do/say?
-“Dean?What the heck is happening?”*blush*

3. Yeah, whatever you do, he/she smiled and asked if you're alright.
- "I'm Fine, you can stop worrying now..Thanks..”

4. He/she takes you to his/her home where you meet no 2!
- "Cas?What are you doing here?and since when Dean bought a house?”

5. He/she stares at you with slight blush.
- "What?Do I have something my face?stop staring at me Cas, it’s creepy..”

6. He/she sits beside you and ask for your name.
- "Are you okay?I’m –mynameX3- are you drunk Cas?”

7. You guys talked for some time when your no 1 finally showed up. He/she looks rather jealous, what will you do?
- “Aww Dean, you know I won’t do anything with Cas,...*whisper*he’ssooo sweet when he’s jealous*whisper*

8. Let's move on. Your no 3 aka your bestie, asked you to help him/her with something.
- "Okay....what can i do for ya Sammy~?”

9. It appears that he/she likes no 2.
- “WHAT?! But...what about Gabriel?”

10. He/she needs your help! Fast!
- "Uh...You confuse me Sam...but okay, I’ll try..”

11. You're confused with what you have to do. no 4 asks if everything's alright.
- "”No, it’s not alright..listen Gabe, are you still with Sam?”

n style="font-weight:bold;">12. Whatever you answer up there, you still tell him/her the problem anyway. He/she suggests to think twice over your action.
- "Of ‘course i will think twice!!”

13. He/she smiles and just waves a goodbye, he/she has some errands to do. Here goes no 4. Here comes no 5.
- "Aww Gabe, dun be Sad >~<, And..Hi Bobby :D”

14. He/she asks if you can go and play with them, what do you say?
- "Play?Play?PLAY?!”*throw a bottle of holy water to him* "Get out from his body you demon!"

15. You ended up saying that you do not feel right after all. He/she guessed that you love someone while grinning playfully.
- *blush**speechless**blush*

16. So you tell him/her you're not sure about your feelings. He/she suggests you to confess straightaway.
- "Um...’kay”*blush*

17. The next day, you decide you will confess to no 1. So you invite him/her over to your home. What will you say when he arrives?
- "Hi Dean...I need to tell you something..please listen to me..”

18. Yeah so, you just spit the words but in the middle of your sentence, he/she stops you by kissing you. OMG! You can feel the blush on your face! What'll you do?!
- *blush* *kiss him back* ~XD

19. You broke for air and he/she said that he/she loves you since the first time you guys met.
- "Me too..” *smile*

20. YAY! Make up your own ending!
- I decide to help him stop the apocalypse, and when the crazy thing over we settle down, buy a house, have children and a apple-pie life ...*sfx*awwww~ X3

Never Had a Dream Come true

"Never Had A Dream Come True"
S Club 7

~"Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind"


Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you

Thank you, Father :)

Kemaren, waktu gw lagi ngerjain tugas buat renungan harian, gw ngebuka kitab suci dengan asal. Halaman yang gw buka itu kalau nggak salah Sirakh:11 gw lupa ayat berapa yang jelas ada kata 'Anakku' di sana. Terus, gw tiba - tiba ngerasa pengen nangis, aneh kan? =="

Then, gw mutusin buat berlutut 'n berdoa di depan salib di ruang tamu. Gw ceritain semuanya sama 'Dia' semua rasa stress, frustasi,kebingungan gw..semuanya. Suatu hal yang sangat aneh, karena gw itu jarang bisa doa sepanjang itu. Dan setelah selesai...gw merasa lebih lega 'n gw ngerasa nggak sendirian lagi.

Lalu, pagi ini gw bangun 'n gw dapet surprise! beberapa pertanyaan yang kemaren gw tanyain dalam doa gw terjawab. Sekarang, gw makin percaya kalo 'Papa' gw itu bener - bener ada 'n selalu merhatiin gw. Thank You, Father :)

Mood : Neutral, Peace
Song(s) : ~Dia Mengerti-Delon
~ Mukzizat itu nyata
~ Tuhan Pasti Sanggup
Quote :

Tuhan Pasti Sanggup…
TanganNya takkan terlambat ‘tuk mengangkatmu
Tuhan Masih Sanggup…
Percayalah, Dia tak tinggalkanmu…

`......`

Gw stress hari ini. nggak tau kenapa tiba - tiba kepikiran masalah - masalah yang selama ini selalu gw abaikan. Hari ini gw ngobrol sama salah satu 'kakak' gw tentang gw-tau-siapa, lalu 'kakak' gw bilang ge nggak boleh kayak gini terus, karena ada kemungkinan suatu saat nanti gw bakal 'meledak'. Believe me, I want to explode NOW..

Gw lelah mikirin semua masalah ini, nyoba nyari jalan keluar sama aja nyoba membetulkan benang kusut. Gw nggak tahu kapan dan darimana semua ini bermula, dan gw nggak tau kapan akan berakhir. Lalu..tiba - tiba aja gw udah nggak mengenal siapa diri gw lagi, gw nggak tahu harus gimana, nggak tau gimana cara ngejelasin situasi gw sama orang lain.

Ada 6 miliar manusia di bumi ini, tapi kenapa gw ngerasa kalau gw itu sendirian? I feel so alone, numb, left behind. Semua perasaan yang gw alami 'masa itu' terasa lagi..yang paling parah gw merasa perlu melakukan kebiasaan buruk itu lagi. Padahal udah sekian lama gw bisa berhenti ngelakuin itu. God -_____-

Gw berharap gw itu orang lain, atau malah gw nggak pernah ada sebelumnya. Terdengar cengeng n egois?gw tau..tapi itu yg gw rasain sekarang. Ge berharap bisa menghilang gitu aja dari sini, atau mungkin tiba - tiba gw kena amnesia 'n ingatan itu nggak akan balik lagi selamanya. Gw gtw...
Gw cuma mau semua perasaan ini berakhir, gw mau masalah - masalah ini selesai, walaupun sepertinya itu nggak mungkin.

Mood : Sad, Angry, Confuse, Crazy
Song : Crash and Burn-Darren Hayes
Quotes:

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Crash and Burn

"Crash And Burn"
Darren Hayes

"If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone"

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Iseng - Iseng sembari menunggu hujan berhenti :D

What scares you the most and why?
~> High, I don’t know why...It just scares me >.<

What do you do in your free time?
~> Read a good fanfic, wacth fanvid in youtube, browsing,play games, watch a good movie, sleeping -.-zZzz

Do you like chocolate?
~> I LOVE chocolate XD

Do you like rainy days or snowy winter days more?
~> There’s no snow in Indonesia, so I like rainy days more :D

Name 3 things in nature you find most beautiful?
~> Snow, Dew :3

Which is your favorite part of the human face and why?
~> Eyes, because Eyes is the window to the soul, rite? :D

Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?
~> Lips..I don’t have a reason =P

What makes you bored?
~> Many Things

Which is your favorite four legged creature and why?
~> Bunny ~XD the cutest animal on earth X3

Do you like spicy food and why?
~> No..i dun like it. ‘Cause it feel like my tounge is burning everytime i eat spicy food DX
Do you remember your favorite teacher?
~> Yes..My ‘Papih’ at school X)

Which are your 2 favorite careers and why?
~> Psychiatrist, ‘Cause Human’s emotion is interesting for me :D
~> Neuro Surgeon, Don’t know why..Just love that Profession
Which is the hardest thing you ever had to do?
~> Err—it’s a hard question to answer, really..

When was the last time you lied and to whom and why?
~> Why would I remember that?beside I don’t like lying to people :)

Tell me about something you really regret?
~> Let’s see.. When I stopped EF at seventh grade.
Tell me about a mistake you made?
~> Well..I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I can’t write it one by one :|

Tell me about someone in your family?
~> He’s my closest brother, since i was a little he always protect me and take care of me when my parents not home. He isa very good big brother X)

Tell me about your favorite book, magazine or comic?
~> My favourite comic is death note, the story and the characters is very interesting

Tell me about someone you envy?
~> I try to be grateful for everyhing my Lord gave me. I dun envy anyone :)
Tell me about something you've achieved?

Mini-Comics =D

The Picture above is not mine, it belongs to it'e creator. I took it from www.deviantART.com :D

Within Temptation-Bittersweet

"Please don't say again that you have to go"

If I tell you
Will you listen?
Will you stay?
Will you be here forever?
Never go away?
Never thought things would change, hold me tight
Please don't say again that you have to go

A bitter thought
I had it all
But I just let it go
Hold your silence
It's so violence since you're gone

All my thoughts are with you forever
'Till the day we'll be back together
I will be waiting for you

If I had told you
You would've listened
You had stayed
You would be here forever
Never went away

It would never have been all the same
All our time what have been in vain
Cause you had to go

The sweetest thought
Had it all
Cause I did let you go
All our moments keep me warm
When you're gone

All my thoughts are with you forever
'Till the day we'll be back together
I will be waiting for you

So....What's Next?

Gw lagi bingung karena nggak terasa Ujian Nasional itu sudah makin dekat dan gw masih belum punya ide kemana gw mau pindah SMA nanti. Pilihan pertama gw jatuh pada salah satu SMA terkenal di Jakarta, tapi masalahnya..gw nggak yakin gw mampu melewati tes masuknya yang butuh campur tangan Tuhan supaya gw bisa lulus, selain itu gw juga tersandung masalah biayanya. Terlebih, di SMA itu ada satu orang ingin-tidak-ingin gw temui...lagi.

Jadi sepertinya gw masuk SMA itu cuma mimpi semata *sigh*

Meneruskan SMA di Kota gw sekarang? a big "NO" why? pertama...orangtua gw itu lebih sering di Jakarta, sehari di sini dua minggu disana..jadi lebih baik gw yang pindah kesana daripada kyk gini terus. Kedua, gw g gitu yakin dengan SMA di sini, I mean gw aja merasa kecewa karena dulu gw SMPnya nggak pindah ke tempat lain.

Gw ngerasa bener" bingung 'n takut menentukan SMA gw..karena ini pertama kalinya gw diberi hak untuk masalah sebesar ini. Dan gw tau apapun pilihan gw, nantinya pasti membawa dampak besar dalam hidup gw . Gw juga tahu..apapun pilihan gw..gw harus siap kehilangan sesuatu. Seperti pepatah "Gain some, Lose Some"

God, what should I do? T~T

Totaly Random

You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

A) No, because i dun want people treat me like I'm-dying-and-going-to-die-soon and they will acting weird around me. I want things to keep normal in my last month.
b) i hang out more with my family and friends, i need to make sure that they will be okay if my time has come
c) Yes, maybe a little...but..everyone will die right?it's only about time..

You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.
Trust, Love without trust mean nothing

You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I scream for help, i won't go to the canal and save that dog not because i dun want to, but because i can't swim.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
London and Tokyo.

Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you?
My grandpa. Yes..yes..i will take that chance : i never tell him that i reallly love him when he was alive

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
I don't know..it's a hard question. Really..

Does love = sex?
No, in my opinion no. You can have sex with whoever you want, but you can't choose who you fell in love with. And i think if you love someone, it doesn't mean you have to have sex with him to prove you really love him. You can prove your love with other way.
Deep Questions to Ask People List
Your best friend dies, what would you do?
Crying, mourning

When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt? when was it? during the day. how was it?
I dun know...i harldy express how i felt. But i guess it feel nice..

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
To tell someone that i love him. It's just so hard for me...
What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?

My family, i love them...i will give up on my life for them =)
Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Over a year ago..and well...i wasn't sure if i really love him that time

If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had "no regrets" what would it be?
The day i was born... i made sure i never born. It's not like i hate my life or stuff...i just prefer staying at heaven with my 'Father' than living on earth..

Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?
My brother :

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
No, i'm afraid i will get infected by some disesase, instead..i will take him to the hospital.

Are you old fashioned?
Yes

Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?
True love with a guarantee of a heart break. 'cause the pain of broken heart will make me learn.

If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?
I wish me and the people i love will be happy forever.


Have you ever been extremely "intimate" with someone in a public place?
Nu~

Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Not physcally but in my heart, yeah..

If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?
Spending my time with the people i love and go to church


If you could make anyone your servant for the day, who would it be and what would you make them do?
Dean Winchester. And what will i make him do? ...You don't want to know *smirk*

If you could be born again would choose to be a different sex to what you are?
Girl, i dun want to be a boy~

How far would you go with someone that you just met?
Err-talking?

What's your favourite thing about the opposite sex?
Their strong body =)

What's the worst thing about being your gender?
Well...i have to suffer a terrible stomachache and a moodswing for a week once a month. A.k.a having period

Have you ever eaten a leaf or grass?
Nu uh..

Have you ever peed in the shower?
Yes :P

Have you picked your nose when no one was looking in a public place?
Uh...
What song always makes you happy when you hear it?
Let the sun shine in

What was your favorite sitcom growing up?
Dulce maria XD

What favorite food puts you in a great mood?
Chocolate X3
Who's the funniest person you know?
Joshua
What was the best vacation you ever had?
to anyer a few weeks ago
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
:-"
What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
Eyes :p
Whats your middle name?
Natalia
How big is your bed?
big enough for me :D
What music are you listening to right now?
Bittersweet..sad song T_T
What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
8789
What was the last thing you ate?
forgot..
Who was the last person you hugged?
My Bude :3
How is the weather right now?
Nice~
Fun Questions to Ask People
What is the wallpaper on your cellphone?
Castiel kissing Dean's cheek XDX3

Did you get anough sleep last night?
Nu..

What's the first thing you thought about this morning?
Damn...i still want to sleep
..and..
Geez..My legs hurt >..<
What's the last thing you thought about before you went to sleep last night?
About my nephew..he didn't stop crying until i fell asleep ==""

What do you have handy at your bedside?
nothing

Grilled or Fried?
Fried

What makes you unique?
Dunno~

Are you afraid of the dark?
If i'm alone in the dark~

Favorite hangout?

3 things you cannot live without?
cellphone, computer, lamp

Favorite song?
many

What are you afraid of?
High

Are you a giver or a taker?
giver

What are your nicknames?
Xie, yuuki, Nixie, etc

What 1 thing would you take with you on a deserted island?
a truck of water :p

Favorite TV commercial?
-
Who's your cellphone provider?
XL
First thing you will save in a fire?
my cellphone :p

Whats your favorite color?
Soft pink, blue, white

What are the things you always take with you?
cellphone
What did you wanna be when you were a kid?
a doctor
What do you usually do when the clock turns 10:10?
sleeping?
What's the color of your bedsheet?
pink
What the last thing you do before you go to bed?
praying O-:)

Him and "Him"

When the first time I met him, i just look at him and feel nothing

When the firts time I met him, My world stopped and there’s something wild in my heart

When he’s near me, i feel peace and save

When he’s near me, I feel warm and happy

When he talk to me, I feel comfort and happines

When he talk to me, I feel joy

When he’s hurt, I try my best to comfot him

When he’s hurt, I’m hurt too

When he left, I feel empty and lonely

When he left, my world is falling apart

Thinking of me without him, make my eyes cry

Thinking of me without him, make my heart cry

Loving him is like walking on the thin ice, so fragile..if i take a wrong step, i will fall..

Loving him is like awe the stars, painful i can see it everyday, but i can never ever make it mine

My love for him is like a ocean breeze, it’s warm, nice, comforting, but sometimes it dissapear

My love for him is like a snow, it’s beautiful, pure, sincere, but also so cold and sometimes it just too painful to keep holding on

Both of them are important to me

If someone ask me “are you in love?”

I will answer “Yes”

But, i don’t know what to anser if he ask me who is the person i love. ‘cause i love both of them in completly different way.

Satu lagi puisi dari folder lama di komputer saia :3

...If...

If...

If I tell you I Love You,

Will You listen?

Will You stay?

Will You say itu back?

If We never met that day,

Will I ever met You?

Will I ever know You?

Will I ever love You?

If You know I was waiting for You,

Will You come back for me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If I never replied You message that day,

Wil We ever know each other?

Will You still fall for me?

Will You Love someone else?

If I never say “Yes” that day,

Will I still know you this time?

Will You still wait for me?

Will You leave me?

If I tell you to not wait for me,

Will You let me go?

Love?

"Cinta itu..apa sih?rasanya gimana?"

Akhir - akhir ini gw sering bertanya pada diri gw sendiri seperti itu. Karena, gw udah lupa bagimana rasanya cinta itu. Mengingat, udah sekian lama gw nggak jatuh cinta...

Kalo udah menyangkut ke masalah perasaan, Gw bener - bener clueless.

Seperti saat ini contohnya, udah setahun lebih berlalu dan gw masih nggak tau apa yang gw rasain sama orang ini. Detik ini gw yakin kalo gw ada perasaan sama dia, dan sedetik kemudian perasaan itu hilang begitu aja. Kadang gw bertanya, gimana bisa dia terus nunggu dan bilang dia cinta sama gw sampai selama itu, setahun itu waktu yang lama..masa dia nggak mengalami fase jenuh atau mencoba mencari yang lain? karena jujur waktu gw nungguin orang itu selama dua tahun, gw sempat mengalami fase jenuh dan mencoba mencari orang lain (walaupun selalu gagal). Gw ngerasa nyaman didekatnya, dia tau hampir semua tentang gw dan begitu juga sebaliknya. We're Friends, We're Siblings, We're bestfriend..but Lovers? I don't know...I don't think so..I don't think I can..

Besides, terkadang gw masih teringat dia, dan beberapa hari yang lalu ketika 'orang ini' nanya sam gw, gimana kalau dia balik lagi ke hidup gw dan mendekati gw, apa gw bakal nerima dia gw cuma bisa bilang "Nggak tau"

Terkadang gw menganggap diri gw bodoh...ada seseorang yang mencintai gw secara luar biasa dan gw?gw negbiarin dia gitu aja...I Know I'm gonna regret this someday..

Kalo ada tes buat memeriksa apa gw lagi jatuh cinta atau nggak dengan hasil yang akurat..tanpa mikir dua kali pasti gw ikutin tes itu.

Huff~

Enough of this post ~_~

Random

Wow... nggak kerasa sudah 2 tahun sejak blog ini gw tinggalkan. Dan entah kenapa tiba - tiba gw membuka kembali blog ini setelah sekian lama. Rasanya menyenangkan membaca arsip - arsip blog gejeh ini, mengingatkan pada masa waktu gw masih polos :P

Banyak yg udah terjadi selama dua tahun terakhir, selama dua tahun ini gw 'ditempa' dan 'dibakar' jadi lebih kuat daripada sebelumnya. Gw juga mengalami banyak pertemuan dan perpisahan tentu saja.

Sudahlah, nggak usah panjang - panjang rancauan nggak jelas dari gw..

Kedepannya gw nggak akan menelantarkan blog ini lagi...semoga. :P